I used to, and still a lot of times, secretly think that if I was nice to someone I deserved an equal or greater action in return. Now not one of us would care to admit this, but deep down we know it to be true. The worst part is that some of us don’t even know it we do this and truly believe that we are acting out of a pure heart. And this my dear, is quite dangerous.
You want to know a sure sign of how this can be expressed in our lives? Say you do something nice for someone, and at the time it’s all good. You are loving are kind because Jesus was loving and kind, right? But when that person starts to do you wrong, all of a sudden all you can think of is all of the things that you did for them and how you don’t deserve this kind of treatment. When your kindness is just a means for you to acquire respect, love, or kindness in return, it’s not kindness, it’s a transaction. So what does the Bible say about love?
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” – Philippians 2:3
“It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” 1 Corinthians 13:5
If our so called “love” or “kindness” for others is growing from a seed of selfishness, we are doing it all wrong. We show our love and kindness to other people for other people, not for ourselves. We must remember that kindness, love, gentleness, self-control, and every other fruit of the Spirit are of no good use to you if you use them to be well liked or better treated and not to be transformed within yourself or to transform others.
I think the most useful thing I’ve ever learned about the Christian walk is that it’s not really about you. The greatest commandment is to love others. As followers of Jesus Christ, we are called to live selflessly. You know why? Because you receive love, kindness, gentleness, self-control, and most importantly, recognition from God and God alone.
There should be no one on this Earth that should be in debt to a gift that was given to you! You couldn’t even produce it on your own, so who are you to require charge of something you have received by grace, a gift undeserved? Humble yourself. At the end of the day our lack of humility is one if the many things that hinder us from living life selflessly.
Our pride is the thing getting in the way of us being and doing what we were called to be, at the capacity in which we have been called to embody it. So stop seeking to be kind to win someone over. Stop showing love so that someone else can be nice to you or see you in a certain light, or want to be around you more. Let love and kindness flow through you organically. Let it flow and water every part of your being. You already have all the the nourishment you need if you have Jesus. A flower doesn’t float up and fly right into someones face for them to say it’s beautiful. If a flower depended on human admiration to sustain itself, it would die. Much like our own lives. If we only live for the approval of others, then we will be subject to sustain the standards others set for us. There is no way to choose where you are planted, what type of flower you are, or even if people will think you are beautiful. A flower simply grows, through being watered, and exposure to the Son.
“to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,”- Ephesians 5:26
“And He was transfigured before them; and His face shone like the sun, and His garments became as white as light.” – Matthew 17:22
This flower doesn’t grow to be called beautiful, it grows because it is operating within it’s core function. It stays rooted just where it is. If someone takes the time to admire its loveliness the flower is still going to do what a flower is going to do, grow. It is still beautiful whether someone admired it not.
Know this: no one can grow and radiate Christ quite like you do, so grow in the way He has called you to. Grow like the flower; radiating beauty where you are planted. Do this not for the recognition of others, but because it’s who you are. It’s who you have become, and others can’t help but notice how beautifully you have grown. You bring glory, recognition, and wonder to the tools and the Gardener that tended to and sustained your growth. You, not by force or transaction, but as a by-product of a natural process that leaves you radiantly changed and others radically in awe. You are the flower. So bloom where you are planted for your own upward climb and radiance of the Son’s light shining on your blossoming petals, not the admiration of a passerby.
“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”- Matthew 6:33
“I planted the seeds in your hearts, Apollos watered it, but it was God who makes the seed grow.”
-1 Corinthians 3:7
she who abides. 